Mindfulness and Anger

The coffee in the pot is cold. Your family is nuts. Some driver cut you off on the way to work this morning. And someone on the Internet is wrong. The day is full of annoyances at work, home, school, in the car, on the bus, train…it’s everywhere, isn’t it? Some situations are “acts of God”, like the weather, or termites; others can be blamed on man, from the abstract (think traffic) to the personal (an insult at the office).

And so we get annoyed. At the world, at others, at ourselves. What purpose does it serve? Make no mistake, it does serve a purpose. Every feeling, even if it’s unpleasant, serves at least one distinct purpose for us. The mental health word for that is a payoff.

It doesn’t feel good to get blindsided. It can make us feel helpless, jerked and jolted, at the mercy of the world. In a word, we feel powerless. We don’t like to feel that way. It makes us feel feeble. And so, when we feel powerless, we take our power back by getting angry.

Anger is a powerful feeling. Adrenaline begins pumping, your heart may beat faster. The body is gearing up to respond to a perceived threat. This is good if there is an actual threat that demands a physical response, like a right hook aimed at your face. For most things that get us angry, though, the body’s anger reaction may not help us physically. In fact, if we don’t use it correctly, it can harm us more than it can help.

So what can we do when we get angry? Should we just try not to be angry? Stuff the feeling away, ignore the hurt?

I’ve begun to write more about mindfulness, the practice of awareness and acceptance of feelings and sensations. Rather than trying to change our feelings immediately, mindfulness teaches us to slow down and take stock of what is happening. What are we thinking? What are we feeling? What are the body sensations we are experiencing at this very moment? Often, by noticing and not trying to change our feelings, our body calms down of its own accord. This is the paradox of mindfulness.

You may not believe that this will work. That’s fine. I challenge you, though, to try it. The next time you are confronted with a situation which gets you mad, try practicing some mindfulness. Ask yourself:

What are my thoughts?

What are my emotions?

What are my body sensations? How am I breathing; where do I feel tension?

Take a few slow, deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth.

Give it a shot and let me know if it works for you.

Satisfaction guaranteed, or all your anger back.