Passover and Rules – Freedom, or Stuck in Slavery?

Speaking with someone earlier today, I mentioned the oft-quoted point that the Seder on this holiday of freedom represents the freedom that structure and order can bring us (seder means “order”). He surprised me by remarking that he had actually decided to keep less of the Passover laws this year, and because of that felt less restricted, more free. He didn’t feel like he had to clean out his microwave, get his car vacuumed, or avoid Starbucks for the whole eight days.

Quite the opposite reaction to this particular point of the seder.

So does structure make us more free, or less?

Of course we all need structure; we wouldn’t be able to function without it. We may want to spend unlimited amounts of money, eat whatever food we want when we want to eat it, stay up all night, and feel well-rested too. But the world doesn’t work that way. We need structure. Our bodies and minds crave routine. When we are captive to desire or impulse, in one form or another, we are not free.

But.

For some of us, restrictions can feel oppressive. Rules are restrictive, and can feel like they are preventing you from doing what you really want to do.

Additionally, the very thought of “I have to” can make you uncomfortable, and may even trigger an oppositional reaction. “I have to? Well, now I don’t want to.” (This may sound adolescent or childish, and in a certain sense it is “child-ish” - these reactions are usually formulated in childhood. But such thoughts are normal, and many healthy adults have them.)

When setting a structure for ourselves, we take into account our own personal reactions. If you find that being too restrictive doesn’t work for you, you can tweak your structure, or do some personal work to change your internal reactions.

But religion, to many, may not seem to be that flexible. It may not be an option to tweak your religious obligations. For some, this may be worth exploring. Ask and ye shall find (for example, the Torah doesn't have much to say about vacuuming cars). There may well be room to explore what works for you.

And then, of course, there’s the internal work, our ability to change our internal reactions to restrictions. There is a great deal of work that we can do, and there is a great deal of change possible. See a therapist if you need help with that.

May we all be blessed this holiday with a renewed sense of freedom, and an ever-growing appreciation for the strength, serenity, and stability that structure supplies.

“The mark of a mature Jewish man is when he does something right even if his mother tells him to.” - Unknown