Can my friend by my therapist?
However you go about choosing a therapist, don’t do it this way.
Have you ever had a positive experience with a mentoring friend or teacher? Mentors who are naturally good at helping others often choose “the helping professions” as a career. And if the need for psychotherapy arises at some point later in life, those fond memories of the mentor-turned-psychotherapist may propel you to reach out to your old mentor for treatment. Dont do it.
I received such a call this week from a former student of mine seeking treatment for depression. I explained that I had not yet opened my own practice (slight obstacle) and that attempting to specifically request me at the clinic was a long shot. I offered referrals and some friendly chit-chat. And then I shared what I felt to be a crucial rule in selecting a therapist.
Do not choose anyone you know, knew, or see frequently to be your therapist. There are a number of reason for this. Psychotherapy is a deeply personal journey. Most often, the primary source of information the therapist has about you is...you. Your therapist can only treat what he or she knows about. We all have secrets, things we would rather our acquaintances - and certainly our mentors - not know. In this way the former relationship becomes a hindrance to effective treatment. I am sure this former student had already decided what he was not going to tell me.
There are more reasons why this is not a good idea, but that’s enough for now. Now it’s your turn. Please share your thoughts in the comments below. And if you have any stories related to this concept, I would love to hear them!