Twenty Questions for the Purim Alcoholic
*Disclaimer: The post below contains humor about alcohol. If you would rather alcohol-free humor, check out Recovery Comedy.
In the spirit of the Twenty Questions of Alcoholics Anonymous, here are twenty diagnostic questions for the Purim alcoholic:
Does drinking on Purim make your wife unmanageable?
Do you think not drinking would make your wife better?
Do you have a Purim countdown calendar?
Do you confuse grog with grogger?
Do you break your fast on beer?
Has drinking caused you to give more money to charity on Purim than you had intended?
While drinking, have you ever impersonated a member of ancient Persian royalty?
Have you operated a horse while intoxicated? If neigh, why not?
Do you travel to a walled city for Shushan Purim? If you reside in a walled city, do you leave for regular Purim?
Do you get sentimental when you think about the Purims of yesteryear? If yes, please define yesteryear.
Do you scoff in the face of Kedem grape juice?
Do you feel guilty after drinking on Purim? Do you feel guilty in general? (If you are Jewish, answer Yes.)
Do you tear down posters that warn about the dangers of Purim drinking? Would you please put them back?
Do you choose your Purim costume based on the number of bottle-holding pockets or whether it matches your flask?
Do people refer to you as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer even when you take off the costume?
Has your drinking caused you to forget what happened last Purim?
Are your neighbors upset when you throw up on their front lawn?
Does your Purim party feature an open bar and full smorgasbord with sesame chicken?
Does your hangover cure include alcohol from leftover mishloach manot?
Do your late night escapades cause you to sleep through megillah reading Purim morning?
Purim is a time for laughter and jokes, but alcoholism is a serious matter. Only you can decide if Purim is right for you. Try to keep an open mind. If you think that you do have a problem with alcohol, help is available. And it’s not at the bottom of a shot glass.