Take This Thanksgiving Challenge and Change Your Life!

In my work as a psychotherapist, much energy and focus is placed on problems. I want to know what is not going well in my clients’ lives, and what they would like to change, if they could. Of course, there’s always a lot to discuss. No one walks into a psychotherapy office without problems.

A colleague of mine often begins his first sessions with the question, “What is going well?” What a bizarre question for a therapist to ask! Clients arrive at their worst, at the depths of their frustration and despair. They have finally admitted that something is wrong, and they need help. What is going well is probably the furthest thing from their minds. And that is precisely the reason this question is so effective.

When situations get so bad that we can’t see any good at all, that makes our mood even worse than it was in the first place. Positive thoughts don’t stand a fighting chance. “Everything is terrible”. “Nothing is going well”. So we sink further and further into a funk.

How can we get ourselves out of this downward spiral? The answer is in our perception, our attitude. Our feelings are directly influenced by our thoughts. If you can change your thoughts, you can change your feelings. That’s where the Gratitude Challenge comes in.

This challenge is very simple, but actually doing it can change your life. Here it is: Make a list, every day, of ten things you are grateful for.

Need some ideas? Your list can include things large or small. The fact that you have a job, if you are lucky enough to have one. Your family. Friends. A car. The smell of coffee in the morning. The ability to breathe in deeply. There is nothing too small, too simple, or too silly.

You may roll your eyes at being grateful for having working eyes, ears, and a nose. Come on, you snort (with your perfectly good nose). Big deal. But aren’t functioning eyes truly miracles to be grateful for? Isn’t having a generally working body kind of a big deal? Ask anyone who doesn’t have what you take for granted.

You have enough to be grateful for right now. You don’t need anything more to have gratitude. You don’t need a certain job, or relationship, or material possession. You may want them, and you may even need them. But you have enough to be grateful for today.

Finding these things and making your list may take some focus at first; you are probably not used to thinking this way. Give yourself time, though. You’re retraining your brain.

This is not psychobabble or baby talk. This works. We have so much in our lives that is not going well. I know. But by choosing to focus on the things that are going well, we train our brain to think positively. This, in turn, changes our mood for the better. So, tell me: would you rather be in your situation and feel terrible, or be in your situation and feel great?

Don’t take my word for it. I challenge you to give it a try. Every day for the next month, I want you to write out your list. Write it in the morning, type it before bed, it matters not. What matters is that it be an actual list, not a mental list. Make this list, and your outlook – the lens through which you experience the world – will improve more than you think possible. I guarantee it, or your misery back.

A few more pointers:

Again, there is nothing too mundane to be grateful for. And you need not be completely happy with each item on the list. Your car may need repairs, but if it works, it goes on the list. Your boss may be an idiot, but if you’re glad you have a job, it’s on. And no sarcastic or backhanded gratitudes, like “I’m grateful I went to the grocery even though the stupid store didn’t have cranberry sauce”, or “I’m grateful my mom is making the turkey even though it’ll probably turn out terrible”. Don’t be a killjoy. Keep the focus on the positive.

So the next time you read the news, or check Facebook, or just get plain old annoyed, remember this: no matter what is wrong in the world, there is so much that is right. We can only focus on so much at a time. We may as well focus on what makes us feel good.